my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
