just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
