yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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