Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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