Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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