We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
