i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
