she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
