The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
