I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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