Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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