I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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