How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This baby is an asshole
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
