Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
