she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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