There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
