I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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