My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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