He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
