bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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