getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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