I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
