Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
