Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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