My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
