Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
