The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
