ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
