its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
