My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
