i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
