everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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