HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
