remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
