On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
