C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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