READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
