Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
