I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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