I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
