So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
