No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
