it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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