windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
