I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize