I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
