i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
