Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
