dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
