I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
