You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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