i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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