just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
