just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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