So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
