I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
