I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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