only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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