I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
