billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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