Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
