the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
