I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
