Can Purell be used as lube?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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