When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
