2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
