Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
