The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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