I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
